You remember people’s birthdays. You ask questions, and you listen for the answers. You have good taste in food, and you’re great at sharing. You have a calming presence, and you don’t overwhelm people. You give the best compliments. The playlists you make are truly genius. You’ve seen all the most controversial documentaries. You have an adorable giggle.
And you don’t think anybody wants to be your friend.
Let me ask you this: what do you like in other people? I’m guessing you like the way they listen, the things they say, their quirks, their compliments, their little-known facts, their useful talents, their vulnerability, and their special way of being themselves.
In short, all the things you have.
Now. Why wouldn’t somebody lovely like that want to be friends with you?
The answer, if you’re reading this, is that they would. They just haven’t gotten the chance yet.
15 Comments
I reckon the catch is that they are homebodies like I am, therefore we’re not likely to cross paths.
There’s always the internet though.
I (like Claire, above) am a homebody, so I suspect that’s why I don’t make friends as easily as I would like. But I really, really, really need to read this today, I was feeling like I was plenty worthless and not worth befriending. Thank you.
I’ve always been surprised when I co-exist with someone for years, figuring they’d never want to be my friend, and then one day we both discover we’d been thinking the same thing and could have been friends all along! I’m definitely working on cutting out that middle phase, and just going straight to being friends with new people.
Aw, Kylie, how is it that you always know exactly what to say exactly when I need to hear it?
I’ve been having an internal struggle with myself over the last few days (partially in putting myself out there as a coach and asking for clients) with not being good enough and then deciding to just go for it anyway.
You are giving people good, good stuff. Please keep it up because so many of us need to hear these things! xox
Kylie, you are an inspiration. Even to those who feel they have nothing.
I love the photo, Kylie, and the calming presence you bring to the internet. Your words resonate. x
Claire: Good point, indeed. I think that’s one of those cases where we need to remember that, if we haven’t met friends, it’s not because of us. It’s just because the opportunity hasn’t happened. But it can — either online (as you pointed out) or in person.
Ashley: Really glad it came when you needed it. And very much hoping you’re feeling more worth-full now (yes; I know that’s SO not a word).
Adriana: I love that way of thinking about it: cutting down the awkward middle phase! I’ve definitely had that experience, too.
Tiffany: Go for it! Go for it! (And as somebody who feels quite lucky to know you, I assure you that people will feel charmed to make your acquaintance — as a person AND as a coach.)
Annie: Thank you, dear. Sending hugs.
Rupa: Oh, joy! The internet can use a calming presence or two. Like yours. The internet is lucky to have your presence, too.
Kylie, this is lovely. Thank you for writing it, at just the right time.
Tell you something… I kind of thought “yeah… but…” at first.
But a moment ago, I felt a wave of inspiration to write down the list of gifts which I have received from others within the past week. Gifts of time, gifts of listening, offers I wasn’t expecting, ‘yes’ answers to my queries, gifts of resources given way for free, gifts of connection, gifts of indulging me when I needed a friendly ear and when I was being silly.
All this involved 16 (!!!) separate people, and only a few of them know me in a “friend” capacity (others are teachers, service providers, to some I’m pretty much a stranger). In a few cases, I asked – but all of those people went above and beyond. With this much goodness and magic, how could I call myself friendless? Friendship comes in many guises.
Kylie, you are a sweetheart. Even better, a wise sweetheart.
I like you, and this, very much.
Sara: You are heartily welcome. Sending love.
Krissie: Thank you for sharing that. So, so wonderful to hear that a whole 16 people (!!! indeed!) were able to be there for you. And yay for you for asking for what you needed, in some of those cases.
Lisa: Oh, Lisa, you are too! Thank you. Happy week to you.
You are truly a beautiful human being. Thanks for doing your thing. xo
This made me feel happy and hopeful to read. Thank you.
p.s. Your brains comment made me laugh.
one time, i had this realization.
“no wonder people like me.”
I didn’t have to do anything. I just — WAS —
I need to remember that more. Thank you.
I just stumbled across you – and this – and I just…wow.
I have tears in my eyes and it’s not even 9 a.m. But not sad tears, more like “OMG, why have I never thought like this before?” tears. Like, “HOLY FUCKING SHIT this person is SO right!” tears.
As a socially anxious introvert, this just made my day. Maybe even my week.
Thank you. xo
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