I’m plum tuckered out.
Which, really, should come as no surprise, because this is one of my fascinating (and also infuriating) patterns. I’ve talked about it before. (And now that I look back at those posts, it’s almost comical how similar it looks each time the pattern recurs.)
It seems that working a full-time job, doing photo shoots on the weekends, coaching three people per week in the mornings and evenings, writing a blog, having a family, having a partner, having friends, planning a wedding-ey sort of thing, writing guest posts, finishing coaching school, writing papers for coaching school graduation, and doing things like eating and sleeping and exercising is somewhat more than a highly sensitive prone-to-depression person named Kylie can do all at once.
My body’s been having a tantrum about the whole thing. I apparently have gastritis, and tummy and headaches have been frequent. My body decides it’s time to go to bed at approximately 2pm, and I’ve had to use up numerous sick days.
So I’m finally listening. Because, in all honesty, if I were coaching myself, there would have been an intervention already. In the past week, I’ve had conversations with clients about the majorly big importance of doing nothing every once in a while. All the while, when it comes to myself, I’ve been listening to all the people who are always talking about how if you want to have a business and a full-time job, you have to be willing to forgo sleep and a life. Which I don’t believe.
After allowing myself to get almost to the point where I can do absolutely no more, I’m taking a stand for what I believe in (and what I always teach my clients): It’s possible to do the things you love and to also care lovingly for yourself.
I do not always know how this is possible, which I think is quite clear, because I’ve lost sight of it myself.
But I refuse to sacrifice sleep for deadlines.
I refuse to put off exercise until after the next push.
I refuse to wait to give myself a break until I think I “deserve” it.
I refuse to over-schedule myself out of fear.
I refuse to neglect my homey nature.
Here’s what I’m doing: This weekend, starting at 1:30 pm on Saturday, I’m doing nothing. I have nothing scheduled, not even a massage or a yoga class. There is nowhere I need to be, and not even a coffee date in my calendar. If I really feel like it, I can do something. But that something won’t be laundry. That something won’t be grocery shopping. That something won’t be sweeping the floor. And that something won’t be email.
Instead, I have a book checked out of the library (for pleasure!). This book has nothing to do with personal development. Not in the least. I have a floor to roll around on. I have a kettle to brew tea. And I have a bed. To sleep in.
If you’re wondering where I am, that’s where. Hibernating like a Brooklyn-based bear, and watching Marcel the Shell on repeat (most likely). I’ll be back next week. In the meantime, I’m filling up on rest, and wishing you some, if you need it.
. . .
Comments: Have you ever been plum tuckered out? If so, how’d you recover? I’m very actively seeking activities and thoughts and books and recordings that are the most relaxing and comforting for you, so please do share if you feel inclined to do so.
8 Comments
sounds amaaazing. this was a good reminder.
I need to have some days where I do nothing and just read. I think because of the irregular schedule of my work, some weeks I work like 70 hours a week… and then when I don’t, I feel like something’s wrong, when really, it needs to follow a natural progression. some weeks, maybe reading and educating myself is my work.
thank you for this reminder, my dear. <3
Oh boy does this resonate. January at UCDS (where I teach) is report writing month. Teachers write a narrative report about each student, which means that we describe neccessary, objective observations about academic, social and emotional skills through stories and work examples. It’s wonderful but time consuming. All this on top of, you know, developing curriculum and teaching. And checking for lice. And tending to fevers and hurt feelings. And celebrating lost teeth and new books conquered.
Anyhow, last year, for mid-winter break, which is when all the extra hours of work end, I set NO goals for the whole week. It was wonderful. This break, I already have plans. But I plan to schedule some downtime too. Enjoy your well-deserved break!
Enjoy your rest. It sounds very much needed indeed. Sending extra wishes for rest and comfort and pleasure.
Hi Kylie dear – I feel this!! For the past two weekends I’ve barely left my apartment. I even had all these special one-time-only events I wanted to go to, but made a conscious choice to stay home, and not feel guilty! The not feeling guilty part was important. I am not disappointing others/myself by insuring my well being. Even folks who are gregarious/extroverted/lovers of large amounts of company need their downtime. I really like ‘Cafe Justine’ which is in my bed with a french press, a book, npr/pandora and my kittens. oh! I call it Cafe Justine so it’s specific and luxurious and *special*!
Occasionally I do a complete rest weekend: no coffee dates, no Saturday night out, no movies, no internet. It’s wonderful! I put fresh sheets on the bed and wear comfy clothes and drink lots of chamomile tea and eat miso soup and rice and read poetry and scribble in my notebook and do unstructured, lazy yoga. Some of my favorite books for tuning out: Dangerous Angels by Francesca Lia Block (beautiful & weird) and the collected poems of Anne Sexton.
Enjoy your rest!
Homey nature! I’ve been looking for this phrase all my life. I have this too!! Thank you, dear Kylie. Wishing you beautiful hibernation. xox
I’ve needed to take weekends like this in the past. I think I’m going to try this sometime next month.
Sui: It’s good to find out that other people need this/do this, too. Now that I’ve done it, I realize how incredibly necessary it is for me. So necessary.
Louise: Setting NO goals is brilliant. There’s a lot of pressure in out culture to always have lots of goals and always be working toward them. It’s dawning on me how important not-striving-toward-anything is.
Elizabeth: Oooh, I received your wishes. And they worked! It was the most delightful weekend I could ever imagine. Thank you.
Justine: Cafe Justine sounds like a spleeeendid place! Ooh la la!
Sara: Clearly, you are a genius. I’m going to follow your lead and figure out how to bring more of these complete rest weekends into my life. And for the next one, I’ll be getting Dangerous Angels from the library!
Amna: Thank you, dahling! I even did some wondering and imagining what life is like in Arizona while I was relaxing. (In my head, it was filled with lots of reds and oranges.)
Ben: I cannot recommend this highly enough. SO highly. My goodness. Seriously.