I am a highly sensitive person (a HSP). As such, shopping is one of my very least favorite things. It’s down there with misogyny and smoked oysters. Which is to say: very far down.
Lucky for me, I barely ever have to shop. Grocery, clothing, or otherwise. I have a partner who happens to adore shopping, and be very good at it. She revels in a trip to the farmer’s market, and she navigates the Macy’s on 34th Street like it’s her home (and this is not an exaggeration in the least). She also has an uncanny ability to select clothing that fits me perfectly, without me being there. The clothes she picks for me always fit better than the ones I pick out myself, when I have my own body there to try things on. Yes, she is magic. No, I will not lend her to you.
What did I do before I met her? I don’t remember. Just kidding. I do remember, it’s just that I don’t really want to. Before I met her, I trudged through grocery stores in a frenzy. I forgot things. I basically didn’t buy clothes. Like, ever.
On the rare occasions that I do need to shop myself, I can generally do it online, thus avoiding the crowds of people altogether. Even more rarely, I do actually have to go into a store and make a purchase. When I do, I’m more prepared than I used to be. I’m still not the perfect model of an all-American shopper (and never will be), but I can usually get in and out of a store without freaking out. Here’s how I do it.
I have a plan, I know where I’m going, and I know how to get there.
I know which train I’ll be taking to the store. I know which way to walk from the train to the store. I’ve thought about where in the store I’m going, and I go straight there without feeling like I need to look at any other items I pass.
I summon some calm around myself. I remember it, and replenish, as needed.
This is one I practiced implementing when I attended Rally at Havi’s Playground. Before entering a challenging situation, I breathe in some calm. I picture it radiating out from my body. I hold my head high. I roll my shoulders back. I breathe slowly and intentionally. I try to put a non-frown on my face. When my ears start pounding with the thump of music and loudspeaker announcements, I take another deep breath in and re-summon my calm.
I picture how I want this whole thing to go down.
Before I start shopping, I imagine what it will look like. How I’ll enter the store (with calm, confidence and a warm smile). How I’ll ask the person at the register how her day is going. How I’ll exit with my calm intact and the item successfully purchased.
I give myself buckets of kudos when it’s over.
What’s that? Other people don’t give themselves hearty pats on the back after purchasing one item? Well, I’m not other people, am I? When I complete a shopping trip, I feel proud of myself. I recognize what an accomplishment that is for me. Even if I don’t share this particular accomplishment with anyone else, I’m impressed with it, and I tell myself so.
I plan some relaxation for the rest of the day.
This doesn’t necessarily mean I have to go to the spa (though maybe it does). For me, it means that I can put off other stressful tasks until tomorrow, when I’ve recharged. Or maybe it means I can stay at home for the rest of the day. Whatever I decide it should look like, I try to make the rest of the day a downhill ride.
Rest assured: this isn’t how my shopping trips always go. Sometimes they stink, and I go home and hibernate crankily afterward. I’m sharing this because it’s my ideal, and it does happen sometimes. It’s possible, for me and for you, too.
. . .
Whether you’re highly sensitive or not, I’d love to know how you navigate shopping. Any tips or tricks you’re proud to share?
8 Comments
I typically begin a shopping trip with the same enthusiasm as I had when I was a teen, but about 20 minutes in, I hit a wall. Then I just want to go home. If I’ve tried on 2 shirts and neither looked good, well darnit, nothing in this WHOLE MALL will fit me…
I try to do a lot of shopping online as well. It’s strange, I can’t remember exactly when shopping stopped being so fun…but it definitely happened.
Love this, thank you for sharing. I’m often the same way — if I don’t go in prepared, I get totally overwhelmed really quickly and end up forgetting things!
Interesting, I go window shopping to calm myself. When I was in college in Chicago and I was stressed or homesick, I would go to Marshall Field’s buy myself a coffee and I would walk the entire store just touching the different fabric and sitting to people watch, I would make up stories in my head about who would buy the outfit on the mannequin and where they would go in it. It was the one place where I could block out the city, couldn’t get cell reception and could just daydream…so funny that what would overwhelm one person could actually calm another.
Oh, this topic is so close to me! I am highly sensitive as well (or at least this is what my mother and my man tell me. I haven’t read the book), and while malls and Whole Foods totally overwhelm me and stress me out, there are a few types of shopping I do like– thrift shopping, and grocery shopping at my very favorite natural foods store. Thrift shopping is like a creative treasure hunt for me (and there are NO salespeople asking to help me!). I guess it helps that I don’t usually have an agenda and I don’t usually have to try things on, because who cares if a $2 skirt doesn’t fit or needs a repair? As for strategies… I honestly avoid malls and Whole Foods, and I am totally OK with that. I don’t think this is one of those times when its unhealthy to avoid something that bugs you. There is nothing but blatant consumerism to be missed (for me). Instead I shop at little stores and have favorites that I know well. In re-reading this, it sounds like familiarity is one of my strategies…
I can totally relate; I loathe shopping. I just said that to a friend of mine the other day. But I can’t pinpoint what about the experience turns me off. I used to be a shopping maven in my hay-day but no more. Mention Macy’s on 34th and I literally feel sick to my stomach – ha! I find I love being in small boutique type stores where everything is within a couple of steps and I don’t feel overwhelmed. Maybe my shopping preferences have changed over the years and that its just all a part of my personal growth. Thanks for sharing your story Kylie
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Great points you make here, Kylie! I have found that I really love shopping – what I hate are certain stores (loudspeakers UGH) and particularly crowds. Herald Square in general is a horror for me, and I have to go there far too often. I have a punk self which gets to be at the front of the V at those times, and I solicit some RAAR energy to get me through.
Hi Kylie, As you know, I am much more like your dear partner. I have an inexhaustable, and irrepressable shopping gene, especially when searching for the perfect Kaboodle! I love your recent writings about support ecosystems, and crying and emotional openness. You write beautifully. I am more and more impressed by you and the ever more wonderful person you are becoming. Hugs, Bill
Adriana: Yes! On rare occasions, shopping actually feels fun for a very short window of time. It’s just you never know how long that window will be, or when it will return…
Ruth: Good point! I’ve read that HSPs remember things differently than non-HSPs, due to information taking different pathways in the brain. It would make sense that we’d be more forgetful when unprepared.
Terra: Ah, yet another example of how fascinating it is that people are so different than one another. And thank goodness! the world needs diversity.
Louise: I highly recommend the book. I think you’d like a lot of it. And I like that familiarity can be a strategy! That’s a really great thing to ponder and investigate.
Ariane: I agree: well-designed boutiques can actually feel quite nice, and maybe even creatively stimulating.
Risa: A punk self sounds like the perrrfect person to have at the front of the V for Herald Square. For serious.
Bill: You DO have that shopping gene, and it’s quite clearly hereditary. Ah, the Great Kaboodle Search! Thank you so much for the wonnnderful comment. I’m reveling it.