One night, a few weeks ago, I was ridiculously social. I won’t be modest: it was very impressive.
First of all, I’m not much of a going out at night sort of person. It takes a lot — a LOT — to get me out of my comfy home to a bar or lounge in the evenings.
Secondly, the gathering was uptown. Way uptown: 114th Street! I tend to hang out in Brooklyn and downtown Manhattan, and it had honestly been years since I’d been to Harlem (why am I even admitting this?).
Thirdly, I have the Curious Case of the Summer Depression, as I’ve started calling it. I joke, but summers are ridiculously hard for me. I generally have to cut way back on my goings and doings to avoid total breakdown.
But. I wanted to go to this gathering. ‘Cause Pam was one of the organizers, and I was taking her 30-Day Power Teaching Challenge. And also, Amna was going to be there. And you don’t want to miss a chance to hang out with Amna. Just trust me on that one.
So after much back-and-forth with myself throughout the afternoon (But I don’t want to get dressed! But the train takes so long on the weekends! But my hair is getting way too long to even be presentable! But what if nobody talks to me, and I’m stuck in the corner, sniffling into my coffee?!) I managed to get nighttime-appropriate clothing on, get on the train, and make it to the cafe.
It was so worth it. I arrived to be surprised by Monica, who I had no idea was coming, and I met several other fascinating folks, one of whom was sporting a sassy bow tie.
I won’t lie. Awkwardness happened. Uncertain silences. Fumbling over words, on my part, and that of others. But I think about it a bit like running. It doesn’t feel natural or entirely comfortable the first time you do it after a long period of inactivity. But the more frequently you do it, the less of a big deal each run is. It becomes kind of fun. Even though you weren’t born to be a runner, it’s something you can do, and even enjoy.
That’s what getting social is for me, a shy introvert.
And the day after the meetup, I was ensconced at home, making tomato soup and listening to KT Tunstall. Because one must always recover from a strenuous workout.
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Get out of my head – as a sometimes-runner and fellow shy introvert I totally relate.
Recovery is very, very important. I find that napping and diving into a good book (possibly at the same time) is a great way to get my energy back.
Good for you for going out! Sometimes it’s really hard for us introverts to psych ourselves up enough for the whole production that an evening out entails. So brava to you!
YAY! for flexing the extrovert muscles & YAY! For recovery!
How enjoyably social I can be depends entirely on recovery (and… well… Pre-covery?!) Self-care FTW
Alexis: Ooh; thank you thank you! The going out does require a certain amount of self-psyching, hug? I could really go for a nap and a good book right this very minute.
Mel: Pre-covery! You have coined a wonderful new phrase. I’m now going to use it excessively. Pre-covery pre-covery!
i can soooo relate, kylie. for me, i convince myself that [whatever it is] is just too big a commitment for me to say “yes” to, add to my calendar, and then actually get off my ass and go. so i tend to say “maybe” around this time of year (fall is my season of hibernation), and everyone knows that usually means “i’m too much of a chicken to say no to your face”.
ah, but when i actually get out and do it … it’s just as you describe, with the running. too little of it, and it hurts every time. too much of it, and it hurts every time. but keep some sort of consistency, and it begins to feel natural…even welcome at times.
Interesting analogy! I guess I’ve never been social long enough for it to ever become natural, but I get it. I totally hear you on recovering from social time. It was only recently I realized I need to do that. I mean, I’ve been taking the time, being alone after lots of socializing, but I’ve been feeling bad about it and not savoring it, like i should.
This is so beautiful. I hear you. At this point in my life I don’t have very many introverted friends (well, as introverted as I am) and it helps to hear that there are people like me (you!) who also feel the exhaustion from exerting ourselves socially. Thank you!
I am chuckling because my trouble with running is that it generally always feels comfortable, even after years off, but only ever after I’ve run 2-3m or so. Maybe that means I need to stay out for hours and hours.
Dian: Oh, I’ve been known to do that, as well. I try with all my might to really be practical about my capacity and say no in advance to things I just won’t get to, but it still happens every once in a while.
Louise: Well go forward and savor it from here on, lady!
Ruth: You know what I’ve found as I start to openly write about and discuss my introversion? I have a bunch of friends whom I’d pegged as extroverts who are total introverts! Maybe you’ll find that, too?
Elizabeth: Somehow, I’m doubting that running farther would help, in this case.
I’m just picturing you running behind Atlas all over Oregon now. With running, I find that gradual buildup is best. Like, really, really gradual. Mary used to hate running. Now she loves it. Mind you, it took her about 4 years to make the transition.
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